Friday night, Miami, December 2023. 

I was thinking of getting a rental car for the weekend so I can drive around Florida. I remember looking it over on Google Earth before I got here. I zoom in and out in random places. There are many cities, or subdivisions maybe, that are called something plus ‘trailer park’. Everything sort of looks the same. Every inch not covered by water has something on it, maybe a mobile home. I make a last-minute excuse to avoid the drive and take a risky flight. I’m 2 for 5 even getting onto flights, never mind it actually taking me where I want to go in a timely fashion. That’s the kind of risk I’m taking. 

The flight is delayed before I even get to the airport. It’s delayed 4 more times before we actually board at nearly 2:00AM. I could have driven there faster. 

They are very apologetic about the situation but it’s too late. I’ve already permanently flamed them on Yelp. I wasn’t kind. Something like this flight could only be worse if they crashed the plane into a building – again. I wonder if they will get that joke. 911 was a very long time ago and these might be all new people.  I’m pretty old so I refer to younger people as ‘new people’.

Ditto on the corporate website. More of the same hateful commentary about my Friday night and their part in it. Not that it will make any difference but it was cheaper than buying another Starbucks to stay awake. 

Once we get going, I can tell they also want to get to where they are going – fast. The plane leans and I think the wing tip might scrape the ground as we taxi a bit faster than normal around the last curve toward the runway.  We haven’t quite straightened out when he goes full throttle. We are in the air before we get halfway down the runway. 

I have not been flying since before Covid (not counting the hop from Vegas to LA last month when I left) but I’m sensing we are climbing faster than normal. Seven minutes later I feel my stomach bottom out. 

The pilot comes on the loudspeaker to let us know we have reached our cruising altitude of 25,000 feet.

“For all our ‘Premier Plus passengers’ who have pre-purchased shots, our friendly flight attendants will be serving your drinks now. Please finish before we start our descent into Tampa”.

I hear a tinkle of shot glasses toasting to the successful climb maneuver we just completed. Just as quickly, the moment is over and the announces we are starting our descent with the welcomed words ‘flight attendants please prepare the cabin’.

The moment has passed, drink glasses collected, then my stomach flies into my throat as we apparently try to make up the time we lost with 5 delays, in one near free-fall, that lasts only slightly longer than our climb to an absurdly unnecessary altitude. 

The jagged green line is the descent and those hard angles feel like we hit something on the way down.

“So it wasn’t a smooth ride?”

A couple hours later I’m watching the sunrise as has become my usual start to the next day of the rest of my life. 

“Why are we in the swamp?”

This is not a swamp. This is a typical Florida suburb. 

 “You mean the land of the deplorables?”

Ya, ok so we are here to see how the regular Florida people live. And to see the natural scenery and visit friends. They live in St. Petersburg, which is next to Tampa. 

“It used to be called Leningrad before they rebranded it. Not many remember that.”

Sometimes people make fun of Florida. Like there are weird people here or they are hillbillies. I haven’t seen a lot of Florida but so far I haven’t seen any hills. 

My friend says this is a good neighborhood but I see garbage everywhere. Was there a hurricane here recently? 

I’m the curious type so I check the local news websites. No hurricane recently but there was a city election. There was a 6 percent turnout so that’s pretty good for a city election with only one public office up for decision. Floridian’s do care about politics judging by that turnout. I’m sure the turnout would be larger if there were something important on the ballot like a proposed helmet law or going the final mile and legalizing weed for all (not just the ones with a medical card). 

Who won you ask?

“We will never really know, this is Florida.  But the legacy media is giving the Cuban guy the green check ✅ and if you get media validation like that it means you won.”

I don’t think he’s Cuban. He might be.

In Las Vegas, cannabis (weed) has been legal for everyone for a few years now, even for tourists. It’s a big business. What I notice is there are all kinds of different ways they sell it. There are cookies, gummy candies, drinks, waxes, extracts, and they keep coming up with new ways to serve up the THC and CBD. It’s all packaged nice and marketed. Branding is key to getting repeat business and a higher price point. They come up with all different strains of the plant and give their products inviting names like ‘Berry Bliss’, ‘Caribbean Sunset’, ‘Nuclear Sunset’, and ‘Lemon Zest’. I know it isn’t recreationally legal in Florida yet but I smell it everywhere. What is the situation here?

“First of all, Nuclear Sunset does NOT sound inviting.  We don’t have the variety and types like Las Vegas but we do name it. This is called ‘Orange Crush’ and has sweet orange bouquet.” 💐

“Last week we had ‘Sam’s Cream Soda’ which was very smooth and word is there might be some ‘cranberry kiwi lime’ coming around soon. It’s supposed to be fruity with earthy undertones.”

This is a mouse couch. That’s what I call it. It is covered in mouse hair (maybe). It’s a brick that Martha Stewart got a hold of. They are used to hold doors open so they don’t slam shut when a nice breeze comes through. 

I know it is still December because there are lights and trees still up. Pretty. I guess they do this everywhere, even in Florida. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

“That’s what they say.”

Heading toward a new year of unknowns, where reality will be questioned and re-examined often. It will be a year of incredible highs and the lowest of lows. But amidst it all, we will persevere and find strength in the face of uncertainty. Embrace the challenges, embrace the possibilities. Let’s embark on this journey together and make the most of what lies ahead.

“You didn’t write that! More Ai baloney.”

Got me again!