I went to this show after we left the Fjoirds. They were really proud of it because it was the first time they put on the show.

There’s Kahani Ling doing her usual hype the entertainment and happy voice over.

“She has an outfit for everything. I can’t imaging the cave she must live in down below in the bowels of the ship.”

I heard there were some pictures.

I took the cherries from the crepes station. If they aren’t serving the cheesecake just the way you like you can finish it yourself.

“I’m seeing food in a whole new way.”

I hope this doesn’t cause nightmares or something. It’s late for all this sugar.

I’m awakened by a voice on the loudspeaker. It’s late in the morning if I hear that. It must be really late because it isn’t the voice of Kahani Ling.

Cruise Director’s assistant says “done-eh-deen”, not “Dune-din”.

“Ughhh, I feel awful. What happened? I had a terrible dream. I was surrounded by hot dogs and I couldn’t breathe. There weren’t any lobsters anywhere!”

I set the alarm so I could get a ticket. You don’t like alarms. You like to wake up when you are ready to. And you were drinking last night. I let you sleep while I went and got the ticket.

“Ticket to what? It’s light already. We missed the sunrise.”

“What is this? I’ve seen this before. Did the simulation reset?”

“I know these brown rolling mountains. They look like toast with mold spots growing on them. Tell me isn’t so!”

“Nooooo! Those aren’t hot dogs. Those are logs! We are on the Yellowstone river just outside Billings, Montana. Nooooooo it’s too soon, I’m not ready.”

“Is that our container with our stuff? Noooooooo, it can’t be. We were just in paradise. How did we get ripped back into this nightmare? Are we dead? Did you punch our ticket when I wasn’t looking? Is that the ticket you are talking about?!?”

Stop that! We aren’t dead. This isn’t Montana and you just had a bad dream. This is port Chalmers and I got up to get a ticket for tomorrow’s tender. Relax it’s still good. We can get breakfast now. We’ll get our white chocolate mocha coffee too. I know you like those.

“Sir Wesley? You Royalty now?”

“I knew it! There was a reset. We’re on a loop again.”

At least we got promoted. A Royal beats a Doctor. Just ask Sir Richard Branson. He’s living it up!

“I’ll take it.”

“Looks like we have company this morning. The ‘Regatta’. Isn’t that Martha’s boat?”

“That’s crazy! Were you drinking with Martha while I was sleeping? I wanna party with Martha too. She’s hot 😍she’s the hottest lobster I know! 🥰💖

“Not that Martha! The other one. The one that makes stews, pies, and mouse couch doilies. Her boat hit an iceberg. I wonder if she’s on it now?”

You know she was choppered outta there first sign of trouble. She’s protected like royalty 👸

“Is that our Ling? Is she coming with us?”

“Why is he driving on the wrong side of the road?”

“Is that the town? Is that Dunedin?”

“Why is the steering wheel on the wrong side?”

“He looks like me! Is that my brother?”

“Who’s that? Are they the dancers from the show last night? Are they? Do they get to explore too?”

“Is this the place they call the ‘Octagon’, we gonna see a fight? We gonna fight someone? I hope it’s a whipped cream pie fight! I wanna do that! Can we? Can we? I want to.”

Hey! Chill out why don’t you? Peace and quiet today. Lots of space for everyone. How about we play the shut-up game today okay.

“That’s the one where we see how long I can go without saying anything?”

👍

“Does that say ‘Fresh Beer Saves Lives? I don’t see so good anymore. Is that another church?”

Bzzzzt You didn’t make it an hour!

“Wait! I can play better. Let’s start again. I just need motivation!”

Ok, how about if you can make it till tomorrow morning, I’ll talk to the cruise director and see if we can have a whipped cream pie fight!

“Ok! I really wanna do that. I can do it! I won’t say anything until tomorrow morning!”

We’ll see.

Ling and I are having a lux dinner night. The menu looks very fine and I decided earlier in the day what I will enjoy. All things I cannot make myself.

Great company too. We will spend 3 hours dining and talking all kinds of things. This must be what the snail people are doing. Lucky them. lucky me too.

“Ling is blonde! 😍 I wasn’t expecting that.”

Bzzzzt You didn’t shut-up till morning! I knew it! You just can’t keep quiet. No whipped cream pie fight for you.

“Doh! Well at least I can talk now. I got lots to say! What’s the story on Ling? She doesn’t have black hair, or even red hair! They come in all colors?”

I tricked you! That’s a really old picture from past life! I had dinner with new Ling.

“What? Old picture? I don’t remember her.”

Because you only care about now. You never want to relive the past. She was a throwback anyway.

“Now that I see her I wanna know the story. Tell me.”

We went out to dinner at a fancy place like this one. I had the lobster bisque, it was excellent. Prime rib and sautéed mushrooms were the main course. She drank wine and barely ate a thing. She wore that sweater because underneath she was a rail. She looked like a wet cat in the shower. After dinner I took her back to my house and yada yada yada I never saw her again.

“You yada yada yada’d over the best part!”

No, I mentioned the bisque.

“That’s Seinfeld! You’re doing Seinfeld jokes! You won’t stop cheating!”

Well, you won’t shut-up!