December something, 2023.

As I’m cruising the Bahamas I have a few random thoughts on fame and fortune. They say everyone gets their 15 minutes. I suppose it’s what you do with it that matters. Consider the talk show king and queen of the 80’s. 

Every fantastic destination we go to I hear the same thing. If you look over there you can see Oprah Winfrey’s house / yacht / airplane / children’s hospital, whatever. 

That big mansion over there is Oprah Winfrey’s? Or is it that one?

Or that one?

I’m being told it’s all of them. 

“If you look portside you can see a ship moored next to us. That’s Oprah’s Winfrey’s yacht.”

“Wow, really?”

“And that one.”

“And that one.”

“And that one.”

Those are all Oprah’s?

“No. Not anymore. Do you remember the show where she told everyone to reach under their seats? You get a yacht, you get a yacht, you get a yacht, … That’s why people with yachts love Oprah!”

That mansion over there missing part of the roof and crumbling walls with a dumpster next to it (might be the courtyard) is Jerry Springer’s place. That’s what I’m hearing.

Look, there’s Jerry Springer’s Yacht!

The tour guide starts name dropping.

Elon Musk

Lenny Kravitz 

Bill Gates

Michael Jordan

Tiger Woods’ ex-wife

Chuck Norris

Oprah 

Yup, Oprah. Saw that coming from Key West.

Sounds made up doesn’t it? You could just pull those names out of a hat! I’m thinking anyone can be a tour guide. I’d be throwing out better. Who’s gonna fact check?

Justin Bieber 

Taylor Swift 

That actor who plays Aquaman – Jason Mimoa (on the list for the ladies)

Diplo

Christopher Walken

Wonder Woman (the new one, she’s hot 😍)

David Hasselhoff

Elon Musk – that’s a duplicate but he belongs on the list because he will have a mansion on Mars before Oprah does. 

My tip jar would be packed!

New ship, new dinner plans.

I see ceviche and grilled seafood is on the menu tonight. Authentic Caribbean. Sounds grand! I’m up for that. 

There is assigned seating on this ship for the main dining room. I’ve got a table for 9 all to myself. It’s great. Lots of elbow room. Some nice woman comes over to me and says “We all feel so sorry for you being all alone, you are a solo traveler? Would you like to join us? We are just over here at table 1319.”

I beam back at her with the biggest smile I have and say ‘no need to feel bad, there’s nobody on this ship happier than me’. Thank you for offering! Maybe tomorrow evening. (Not)

Just as she leaves I hear that voice over my shoulder. “Feel sorry for you? She has no idea! I feel sorry for HER over there with those cackling Lane Bryants drunk on wine yelling inane comments at each other and every one of ‘em trying to fake laugh louder than the other. Are they deaf or just trying to be?”

I didn’t realize farm tractors were that loud. 

“That’s really sad to see her in her golden years trying to hit on you like that! Doesn’t she know the rules? One half your age plus seven.”

You made that up!

“No I didn’t. That’s real. Eat your Caribbean rum cake with coconut gelato and let’s go take a nap before the next sunrise”.

I’m not sure if she’s 40. Maybe. I can’t tell anymore. 

I’m not alone. I’m never alone.